hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
