dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
