I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
