He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
