i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
