I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's always time for handjobs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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