Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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