If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
