One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
