Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
