Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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