I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
