Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
