I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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