All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
