So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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