It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
