he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
