And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
