Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
