We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
