He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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