God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
