New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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