i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
