i already hear my dad disowning me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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