whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
