No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize