It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
