Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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