ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
