just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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