apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
