RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
