she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
