I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
