Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
