Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
