I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
