I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
