I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
