is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
