I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
