my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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