rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
