Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
