I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
