If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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