Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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