her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
